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<title>i love your degeneracy by Emeka</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556473">i love your degeneracy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeka/pseuds/Emeka'>Emeka</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Summon Night (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Horror, M/M, Masturbation, Self-Hatred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:35:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556473</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeka/pseuds/Emeka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Folth unwillingly reflects on Erst's body.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Erst Brattern/Folth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i love your degeneracy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It doesn’t feel like he's ever caught his breath. Always it has been held deep inside his chest, unable to escape, unable to ease because in every moment since then his fingers have been trembling with anxiety and something else.</p><p>Finally alone for the moment, he forces it out, and feels his chest and ribs collapse with escaped air. The bathroom is the only time he can build himself back together without seeming suspicious. Kagerou is always with him otherwise. </p><p>Is this building up, though? Or down?</p><p>He breathes in, out, in concentrated rhythm, fingers still trembling and now his whole body shivering as his undressing forces more awareness of his body. His nipples ache in the cool air. Burning tenderness in the long muscles of his limbs that healing can't do much for.</p><p><i>look at me</i> Erst said, the tone of his altered voice making it apparent the feelings he had for his body. And Folth looked at the worn coat marked as if by fungus as it slipped away and looked at what lay beneath, and the disgusted contemptuous sludge he heard rose in his own breast.</p><p>To think of Erst, lovely shining Erst, being reduced to this creature, infected with nether and fused with his own Cross just to keep some semblance of sanity. There remained nothing of the man he'd known. Skin was replaced with steel, corroded and twisted by the glowing trail of black and purple. Gone, the cowlicked tousle of hair and olive eyes, gone, the easy grin. Gone, apparently, the beliefs he had taught Folth to treasure.</p><p>His breath caught in disgust but also something else and he is only figuring out now what it might be.</p><p>The water is scalding, as chilled as he is, but he needs it and the cloying steam. Fill his lungs with it and he will warm from the inside too.</p><p>Breath in, out. His head is dizzy. It puts him slightly outside himself, perhaps an eighth of an inch from his skin. He was repulsed when he looked but fascinated also and somewhere in there, for unfathomable reasons, turned-on.</p><p>Why why why? What was it? The body itself? The corruption? The difference between the Erst he knew and this one? The degradation? The self-loathing as he bared himself? All of it?</p><p>He cringes when his hands first come into contact with himself but the steam is doing its job and his mental dick has been hard for hours now, if not his actual one. He can deal with a little recoil in the pursuit of relief. Jerk himself off hard enough and he can forget while he's doing it what a terrible person he's being.</p><p>His lungs are full with steam but fragments of desires he's never possessed before still come to him. Prying off the plates of Gaudi's protective shell with the edge of his blade to find what may be found, a way to drag him even lower still. You hate yourself now, I'll show you hate--and half-sobs as he comes.</p><p>After a moment, his head pounding and leaned back into the tile, he pulls the knob to cool.</p><p>Little by little the air clears but his lungs are still heavy, faintly nauseous. He tries not to think about what he's done or whether he'll react the same next they meet. Outside the room, Kagerou cynically notes his pallor and then, you told me about Erst and Ghift so much they were like my own friends. I can't imagine how much worse this has all been for you. Do you wanna sleep together tonight? Like old times.</p><p>A part of him feels he does not deserve the comfort, but he accepts. With any luck it'll distract him from his thoughts.</p><p>But the nowadays rareness of Kagerou's body heat curled up against him does not last into his subconscious; the thing, if he had thought of it, he would have most known to fear. In his dream he bests Erst again, and has him lying at his feet before dismantling him with his bare hands. The pieces come off with satisfying effort, nether sticking to each one as he has heard a turtle's skin sticks to its shell. He wants to find the body warped and twisted to fit inside the form of this cocoon, and bring it out. </p><p>For a moment before he jerks himself awake and panting, he thinks that even in such a state, his old mentor must be very beautiful.</p>
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